One of my resolutions this year was to listen more and talk less.
One thing I’ve been thinking on for the past few weeks and letting simmer is there’s a plethora of other primers/triggers that lead to being able to do this and actually implement it.
What in the world am I getting at?
Allow me to explain.
Relationships
There’s a term I’ve coined, unsure if its actually widely used but its useful for me nonetheless. It’s called patterns and mirages.
As we all progress through life and these strange times we live in, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to ground ones self. Distractions, they come in many forms – are about as plentiful as grains of sand. Conviction and routine is hard, shout out to those still killing their New Year’s resolutions. Gratitude is a gift not many of us give or genuinely accept.
I could go on a bit more but the focus for the time being is on relationships, in particular.
Something I’ve learned (albeit the hard way) is relationships define you, full stop. Your friends and the people you talk to can easily dictate where you’re moving in life, influence your general attitude, open new doors, and make you a better/worse person. I’ve experienced it firsthand.
Actions and the people you talk to, in other words have direct correlation with your status and being.
Take it from Dr. Jordan B. Peterson.
“You’re going to pay a price for everything you do and everything you don’t do”.
This leads me to the next point and how it ties with patterns and mirages.
I’ve had some toxic and just borderline chaotic relationships in the past. All of this had to do with me and my mindset and current friend group (at that time). This wasn’t purely dating oriented as most would instantly assume, it was also friendships.
If we’re going to have to pay a price for everything we do or don’t do, doesn’t it make sense to optimize your life in a way which reaps the higher ROI?
Unfortunately, we rarely succumb to getting this early on in life. We don’t listen to our most immediate source (elders) and take their words and sit down and actually reflect on them. I can guarantee you, for myself I am certain, they are not just saying these things to hear themselves talk.
It’s been a bit of battle to ground myself and take that seriously. It all molds together in unison with universal realities, consistency and grandeur fairly tales.
When you make a new relationship, think about someone’s patterns and your own for that matter. You’re not judging someone, you’re merely making a factual and data-driven assessment on their being through past events/actions. Actions always speak louder than words.
Adding onto the first point, think of a mirage. Chances are if you’re imagining a grandeur or Disney-like vision for this person, there’s something wrong. One should not seek to improve someone, they can only do that on their own. Your being is your greatest asset or it is your worst enemy, no one else. Don’t become stuck trying to fix someone.
Thus, the pattern and mirage efficacy renders a tough and explorative PoV (point-of-view) for all of us to take.
Grounding Yourself
As we traverse past patterns and mirages, we will never fully hit the pinnacle of where we can take our beings. Life is ever-evolving and each day is quite literally, a battleground. It’s up to each of us to sit down, genuinely reflect on our satisfactions/unsatisfactions and resolve for better in our drive for change.
I’m not perfect, but some of the things I’ve grounded myself in are as follows.
1.) Keep good company or none.
2.) Never be idle: If your hands cannot be willfully employed, attend to the cultivation of your mind.
3.) Always speak the truth, under all circumstances.
4.) If anyone speaketh evil of you, let your life be such that no one will believe him or her.
5.) Drink no kind of intoxicating drinks, swear not at all.
6.) When you reflect at night, think over what you have done through the day. Resolve to live better tomorrow.
7.) Yield not to temptation. Through fear, you may not withstand it.
8.) Earn money before you spend it.
9.) Do not put off until tomorrow that which should be done today.
10.) Never speak evil of anyone. If you cannot speak a kind word, say nothing.
11.) Keep peace if you would be happy, the pure in heart shall see God.
12.) Save while you are young to spend when you are old.
W.B. McKenzie Sr. – circa 1960
You may have noticed, these maxims come from my great grandfather. Awhile back, I highlighted one of these letters and felt the urge to eventually share more. I think its appropriate to include now and they have been relevant to me in recent times.
We can’t all be perfect, but we can certainly change our lifestyle and mindset. Patterns and mirages affect us more than we’d like to admit. With the new year upon us, let’s resolve to do better and listen instead of talking.
Make this year great, you’re the only one holding yourself back.