This post will be a bit of a detour from the content I usually share on here, so fair warning ahead.
That said, I think there’s a few core ideals and beliefs every man must adhere to. Doesn’t matter who you are, it’s what separates the man from the female.
As males, we are meant to show strength. Females on the other hand, show beauty. The two traits intertwine themselves subconsciously and are rooted in our very nature.
What does it mean to be alpha?
Why should I care about “embracing alpha”?
These questions and more I’ll answer in this post.
Purpose > Pursuits
I had a pretty enlightening conversation over the weekend that stimulated some thoughts on a number of things I’ve been thinking about lately. Certain behaviors, how we act around others, how we deal with concerns/objections, how we carry ourselves and more – are of relevance here and the following sections.
Adhering to the title of this section, every man needs a purpose. One cannot go through life without it or they end up being as Joe Rogan discussed: “Men who live quiet lives of desperation“.
The purpose one has can vary from person to person. The point is, we all need something driving us in our respective walks of life. There needs to be something there that we’re constantly working towards.
True happiness does not come from monetary possesions or frivolous things. Each of us has something we’ve always dreamed of accomplishing in life. The day in and day out pursuit of obtaining that dream is what fills our lives with purpose.
There’s no fast track for it.
In that day in and day out battle, one may notice that many bumps in the road arise. Life is always fluid, it’s never concrete. But, a lot of these battles stem from a discrepancy in our attention and how we use our time.
If you’re the 40 year old guy drinking at the club alone with a bunch of college students on a Tuesday, you’re not filling that existential thirst for something greater. You’re to be quite candid, rotting away.
When it comes to our attention and time, most people are quick to give it away. In doing that, we’re lowering the value of our time and subconsciously taking ourselves away from our purpose. These are pursuits and are totally fine with the right balance, but the problem is finding that balance for most people with their purpose.
This is a little bit of tough love, but if you’re relating to the above example – it’s time to start listening.
As men, we’re meant to convey strength. It’s the epitome of masculinity. That strength isn’t just physical, either.
The most attractive form of strength comes from being what I like to call, “full stack” or alpha.
The full stack male is the one who takes care of his body, provides for his own, has ambition and drive motivating his life’s trajectory, isn’t afraid to kiss the girl, and most importantly takes criticism as improvement points.
His purpose also grounds him, above all else.
Eliminating the Inner Bitch
Social media has painted us a convoluted image of the ideal male.
On one end of the spectrum, we see that we must look like The Rock. If we don’t have looks, being rich is surely good enough, right?
The truth is, there’s been a steep decline from the male perspective towards masculinity. Too many men are embracing feminine traits in their day-day lives without even noticing when they do it. At the same time, they’re degrading what makes them a male – masculinity.
The invisible balance scale is rudely tipping in the opposite direction of where we want it.
There’s a few reasons for this.
In today’s hyperconnected world, there’s a lot of expectations set that are abysmally impossible to reach via social media. The thought “wow, look at that guy, I wish I was more like him” paints a deep undertone that sets unrealistic standards we’ll never achieve. Thus, in most cases we don’t bother trying.
We coast through life on the auto pilot mode, satisfied and bound by complaceny.
The inner bitch in all of us is quick to jolt us back and prevent us from taking those leaps to jump out of this trap.
We don’t have to live by that cruel overlord, however. Contrary to belief, we’re fully in control of our mind. Much like working out our body and building strength, cultivating a high-value and purpose driven mind requires time.
As we eat away towards the crevices within our makeup and perception of ourselves, there’s very common characteristics that highly effective and valuable males share.
- Purpose (comes first, above anything else)
- Exercise/Training (it’s just what you have to do)
- Mental Stimulation (reading, writing, and learning daily)
- Fortitude (it’s how we evolve and grow)
- Boundaries (great read linked here)
The first point is crucial, I can’t stress it enough.
By having your purpose, you have something that 99% of guys don’t have. Thus, when it comes to relationships and interactions, you’re able to do something they’re not able to do – say no.
Saying no is a powerful statement. The inner bitch in all of us would immediately remark a negative reaction to that. It’s not a negative thing, however.
It shows that we have a mission in our life. That mission is more important to us and if you step in the way of that mission, we’re willing to let you go. Relationships are built on these power struggles.
It’s all a give and take. When the taking exceeds the giving, you’ve entered the “dog house” of that relationship (business, dating, etc).
If you give into throwing your time towards everyone, you’re devaluing your own worth and losing power. By saying no and pursuing your purpose above pleasure, you become exponentially more high value. That in turn, makes you exponentially more attractive to anyone especially the opposite sex.
Understanding the cost of giving away our time is important. It’s a precious commodity we cannot get back.
The inner bitch in us needs to go, find your purpose and pursue it all the way.
Now, we’ve outlined a lot of stuff to digest.
Common beliefs and traits of highly effective people are important to follow, but we most mold these in a way that is unison and binding to each of us. All of us are different and there’s no set blueprint or roadmap for our journey through life.
I’ve shared a few additional thoughts on this before here, if you would like the extra light reading.
As I mentioned earlier though, life is indeed very fluid.
Grounding ourselves is something that is not created overnight in our minds and bodies. It’s the cultivation of many ideas and guidance over a long stretch of trial and error runs. To be succinct, it requires time.
Much like the farmer tending to his crops carefully before harvest to ensure a profitable yield, what we reap is also what we sow. There are no shortcuts and the Bible did not get this wrong, if you paid attention in Sunday school.
As men seeking to elevate our minds and bodies, we must understand that we’re by nature mortal. We are humans and none of us are perfect. In that imperfection lies opportunity.
We have the unique ability to constantly evolve and grow ourselves while learning more from each attempt. As I discussed further in a recent blog post, eventually we find some things start to stick through sheer will and experimentation.
Grounding oneself starts with making these changes and trying new things, but never compromising on our core beliefs. There is nothing more unattractive than a guy who compromises his very foundation for his being.
Our being is what makes us unique. It’s irreplaceable and you should never try to replace it for someone else. By doing that, you compromise what is truly yours and devalue yourself more than you ever could.
I’ve said a lot but, the question we’re probably asking now is what does grounding yourself look like?
I ground myself in the following beliefs and ideals.
1.) Keep good company or none.
2.) Never be idle: If your hands cannot be willfully employed, attend to the cultivation of your mind.
3.) Always speak the truth, under all circumstances.
4.) If anyone speaketh evil of you, let your life be such that no one will believe him or her.
5.) Drink no kind of intoxicating drinks, swear not at all.
6.) When you reflect at night, think over what you have done through the day. Resolve to live better tomorrow.
7.) Yield not to temptation. Through fear, you may not withstand it.
8.) Earn money before you spend it.
9.) Do not put off until tomorrow that which should be done today.
10.) Never speak evil of anyone. If you cannot speak a kind word, say nothing.
11.) Keep peace if you would be happy, the pure in heart shall see God.
12.) Save while you are young to spend when you are old.
W.B. McKenzie Sr. – circa 1960
By following the above, you’ll find your life will start to look a bit different.
I don’t share these things just purely to hear myself talk, I really think some people need to hear a few of the points I raise. Information asymmetry is a real thing and at the core of that asymmetry, there’s lots of bad advice out there. There’s also lots of good advice, but its scattered and difficult to gather.
Experience is the ultimate teacher and as we all continue to move forward in our respective walks of life, achieving high value is paramount for every male.
Life is fluid, we must adapt and overcome the obstacles facing us. Those obstacles present themselves daily.
By pursuing our purpose over frivolous pursuits, eliminating that inner bitch in all of us, and grounding ourselves – we’re 99.9% of the way through the battle that most men will never even start.
Achieving DHV (display high value) requires work and digging deep into yourself, it’s not given on a platter.